Do You Still Miss Me Just Like I Do?

There would be some time when I think about you, a little too much, wishing we could talk and laugh together just like we used to.
It's been quite some time already, but the truth is... I still miss you.

A Whole New Experience

It's been a long time since I posted my story here, I guess..
a lot has happened with my life, and this one is just a huge new experience to me, that I have never ever imagined before. I'm not cheating on my boyfriend, instead, I have two boyfriends now with his permission. Lol

Actually, I don't know if I really like this guy, and I don't even know why I said yes when my bf brought up this conversation and asked me if I want to have another boyfriend. But whatever happens happens. Now I have two boyfriends, and it's crazy, all of my friends said either I'm crazy, or my boyfriend is. The point is up to me, I'm like playing with fire, I would either end up happy or destroyed by my own decision.

So this new guy is my boyfriend's best friend in the army, said they have been friends for five or six years already and they are just like brothers. Not much I can tell about this guy since he's working in a serious business more than my boyfriend, and I really like what he's doing in the army. It's cool and kinda exciting to me that I'm now one of the parts in his life.

A part of me is liking this guy so fricken much, and getting really anxious. I'm not being exaggerating, but I ever thought if I met him earlier then I would make this guy my one and only boyfriend. You know, being in a relationship with two guys is just new, strange and too much attention to give. Lol
But luckily, one is busy with the army that he can't really on the internet, one is busy with his masters degree, and I'm busy with my job; my tiring and stressful and low-pay job. So yeah, drama-free.

As Indonesian, if you're 20 or older, then you're all adult and is ready to get married. I'm 23 now and don't know if I'm ready to it, to be a married woman. But seeing my friends are one by one getting married makes me want to do it, want to take that step as fast as I can; getting married.
I even asked my boyfriend about getting married, and he said he would like to marry me next year. I was a little bit happy and speechless hearing that. I kept saying don't joke around like that especially to a girl, and he said he's not joking.

But what would I do with the other guy?lol
definitely playing with fire, my friend said the sooner I break up with the other guy, the better. But I don't have a gut to say "Let's break up", especially that I'm getting really comfortable with him. I'll just wait until he breaks up with me, but I don't know. I don't know if I can do that.

A few weeks ago my boyfriend said "I think he really loves you, he told me that he wants to have a baby with you. There's no better bonding than having babies with someone you love.";
Especially the situation where he can't naturally have babies without a help of a medical treatment or technology. That's so sweet hearing it but scary at the same time, which, if he really wants to have a baby with someone he loves, then could it be that he really love me that much? Ok stop being so exaggerating. It's not happening yet, he might just joking (This is what I always tell to myself)



And this is another part of me, a part that doesn't bothered by the irrationally thing such as having two boyfriends.
I guess I'll just do it and see what happens next, whether I end up with one of the guys, or not at all. I don't want to take a risk, I don't want to let them go, I know it sounds selfish, but with everything that has happened with my life, I don't think it's that bad, in fact, they are always there when I need them the most. it's not physically yet, but I don't mind, it's either worth the effort, or just a whole two years of wasting my life loving guys that hundred miles away from me. I love them so much until I'm willing to leave everything behind, and have a new life with them.

What I Have Been Doing Recently

I was caught on argument with someone on Instagram. She was my former partner at Mitsui.
Well, she posted a story on her IG with caption "Unmood". And I was like, "Gahh.. that word again". 
But I guess I was too stupid by giving some respond to her story, so I posted an insta story with caption, "FYI there is no such thing as unmood. It's Bad mood, or, not in the mood".

And guess what?
She replied my post right away, telling me to work as a teacher instead of working at the Bank. And again, I replied her comment, "I'm a volunteer english tutor, and FYI my degree is the reason why I work at the Bank". And she began to bark like a mad dog, acting like an adult by saying some stuff like work life etc etc which was mentioning how experienced she was compared to me. And I was like, seriously? I'm only correcting your grammar. Not your life or how experienced you are. Duh

Uh Oh, the main topic is I have been doing nothing, Haha
I have finished my degree so I literally have nothing to do, just waiting for my degree's certificate to be released from Uni so I can start working. YES, Working at the Bank (Not a teacher?) *I don't even what's the right way to say "Degree's certificate"

I'm kidding, I have one part time job now, which is babysitting my cousin's kids -_-. Thanks to Zac who kept forcing me to accept the offer, now I'm stuck with two little devils until I can start working. 

Actually it's not that bad, it's just.. I have never ever imagined in my life I would do this kind of job. I mean, it may a common part time job in most of western countries but not in Indonesia. It's just new to me. But I'm trying to enjoy this and the kids aren't that bad, they are cute and speak English well, so I'm enjoying what I've been doing recently, look after them and teach them basic English, Of course.  

Oh, and my graduation day is getting closer, I just can't wait to try my dress and to see Zac in December. Even though I am not so sure if he can come, yet I keep losing faith because he's been busy with uni and sort on money. I told him I really want him to come in December, I really want to share this moment to my love one, especially that mum has passed away, so yeah, I only have him. I know I'm so selfish, he's struggling with uni and has not much money, but, this is something that can't be repeated like birthday every year. This might be only one moment in a life time and I want him to take part on it. I might not break up with him if he couldn't come, but I know I would be forever feel disappointed and I would always bring that feeling whenever we got an argument.YES, that's so me, can't fully forget something that disappoint me.

And, I emailed one of my best friends, I forgot, a few days ago(?). So glad he replied my email. Wish we could talk more, but I know it would make me only miss him more. But I miss him already..
(I even told Zac about that and cried. Lol)
Luckily Zac is not the jealousy type of boyfriend. He's stupid, but completely accepts me for who I am. I can't ask more, except that he needs to start excercising and build muscles!!!!!! Bahaha
(But I can't ask that too, he never asked me to lose weight, so it's just too rude to ask him to build some muscle, I mean, before we ask someone to chance, we should chance ourselves first)
Zac even introduced me to one of his best friends. An army too. And he was quite sorta like me? BAHAHA kidding no kidding. He was like asking me if I weren't with Zac, could he have me. 
But yeah I thought it was only joking, but I didn't tell Zac that his friend was asking me that few times.
But he's a good guy, so I'm comfortable talking to him, and he was sweet by telling me that there's nothing to be worried anymore, I've got him and Zac. Isn't that the sweetest thing ever?????? Shut it Eny

Thank You

Long distance relationship. Dia di Australia, gue di Indonesia. Jauh deh, yaa gak jauh jauh amat sih.
Karena pacar gue tentara, jadi gak bisa asal posting foto dia di sosmed. Ku berasa Descendant of The Sun.. *Ih gak banget asli haha

Kali ini mau cerita gimana baik dan sayangnya dia sama gue, bahkan setelah apa yang gue lakuin, dia masih setia.
Kita awal ketemu itu sekitar maret tahun 2016. Awalnya itu gue lagi deket sama bule Russia yang lagi kerja dan tinggal di Indo. Kita juga cuma temen aja, gak banyak ngobrol. Sampe sekitar sebulan seteleh agak lost contact, gue beraniin buat chat dia lagi, intinya sih mau curhat gitu, tapi malah dia yang chat gue duluan. Dan dari situ kita lanjut chattingan sampe 2 minggu kemudiannya dia nyatain suka sama gue,"Do you want to be my girlfriend?" *Anjay

Tanpa pikir panjang, gue terima aja. At first, I didn't really kinda like him, but he's an army so I said to myself "Isn't that what you want? having an arterima, "YES" .

my as your boyfriend? You'll never know what's gonna happen, take it or leave it". Yaudah lah gue

Awal pacaran ya biasa aja, dan karena menurut gue mukanya juga biasa aja, jadi yang gak terlalu menggebu gebu gitu. Tapi namanya pacaran ya, makin lama makin suka dan sayang. Ibarat singkong rasa keju, begitulah perasaan gue ke dia. Lama lama merasa "Kok dia ganteng juga ya??" *Enggak sih haha

Selama pacaran 1 tahun lebih ini, kita udah putus 2 - 3 kali kalo gak salah, dengan alasan yang sebenernya agak sensitif sih, iya, apalagi kalo bukan "Religion", obviously. Kita beda agama, dan itu jadi penghalang yang lumayan berat, karena awalnya ya dia ngotot dengan kepercayaannya. "I can't imagine myself as a muslim", that's what he said, So am I, I can't imagine myself as non muslim. 
Tapi dari putus, nyambung lagi, sampe suatu hari ketika gue bilang mau putus, dan satu satunya jalan untuk balikan adalah dia jadi mualaf, lalu dia bilang, "Annie, I will convert if that's what you want". *When the truth is I didn't expect he would say that, I was only making an excuse because that time I was falling in love with someone else and I didn't want to hurt him more knowing I fell out love with him* I know, shame on me. Tapi, karena pernyataannya itu pun yang buat gue menjadi mantap untuk balikan walaupun gue merasa gak bisa sayang yang sama lagi ke dia setelah gue suka sama orang lain.
Tapi, mungkin namanya takdir, kita balikan dan masih pacaran hingga sekarang. Dan gak pernah lewat satu haripun dia lupa bilang "I love you". Ohiya, alasan waktu itu gue putus juga bukan karena gue suka sama orang lain juga, tetapi karena ada beberapa sikap dia yang menurut gue susah banget di tolerir, dan kesibukannya sama kuliah bikin dia jadi super duper hambar, disitu gue merasa stagnan dan bodohnya, disitu juga gue malah deket sama orang lain dan punya drama sendiri sama dia. DAN kocaknya lagi, dia pun punya pacar tapi gak kasih tau gue, jadi kita sama sama bohong dan bilang single padahal masih punya pacar. Bahaha
But, you know, the deepest secret (That's not a secret anymore) is, I might still love that guy who stupidly had a gf and didn't tell me in the first place. I might still like him more than he knows, I guess until now. But there's always something that's better remain in your heart, like him..

Dan pacar gue,
One thing I'm sure is, he never leaves me. Even when my mum passed away, he was there for me, shockingly cried because he was just shocked as same as me. Dan segala bantuan baik finansial dan psikologis, sampe temen gue bilang, "Baik banget si masnya, jangan disia siakan punya pacar kayak gitu". Padahal dia di Australia sana, tapi loyal dan bersedia ngebantu gue yang sejatinya bukan siapa siapanya secara legal. Selalu kirim barang atau makanan jauh jauh dari Australia ke Indonesia, kirim surat layaknya dia lagi di tugas negara. Merasa kayak pacaran jaman dahulu sama tentara di era perang dunia. Lol

Sidang Kompre Manajemen Gunadarma - BA Cons, Finally!

Finally! I am not a student anymore :D

Sidang yang bikin deg-degan, karena gue cuma belajar efektif H-2 sebelum sidang, gak bisa belajar dengan leluasa karena gue kemaren lagi internship selama 3 bulan, dan manalagi gue gak nyaman sama suasana kerja yang bikin uring-uringan; kerja, sidang, gak ada persiapan = DORR!

But I did it! Alhamdulillah. Gue bisa resign bertepatan dengan sidang, dan sekarang gue officially jobless. Lol

Langsung aja, jadi gue baru banget belajar itu H-7 sebelum sidang. Awalnya gue berpikir pembukaan daftar sidang itu awal september, gak taunya itu adalah masa sebelum kena bayar BPP (Oh kenapa sih kampusku duit mulu?). Jadi semua serba terburu-buru; belum kursus, belum ambil sertifikat PI, belum UM, belum belajar, ditambah kerja 8 jam tiap hari. Kebayang gak gimana udah malesnya gue karena semua urusan belum selesai?
Tapi alhamdulillah semuanya berjalan lancar, satu persatu gue selesaian kewajiban mulai dari PI sampe UM dan kursus, dan memutuskan untuk enggak UM banyak karena gak punya waktu.

H-7, hari minggu, gue full belajar satu matkul, yaitu Manajemen Keuangan.
Oh iya, ada 3 matkul yang gue pilih: Manajemen Keuangan, Manajemen Pemasaran, dan Manajemen Strategik (Strategik itu Matkul pilihan).
Gak masuk sama sekali di otak karena isinya rumus, tapi karena gue suka perbankan, jadi istilah-istilah keuangan gue bisa paham lebih cepet ketimbang pemasaran.
Setelah pusing sama rumus, gue memutuskan untuk belajar di sela-sela istirahat di kantor, dan hanya fokus sama Manajemen Keuangan pas di rumah.

Tapi tebak apa? Selama di kantor, gue sama sekali enggak ada waktu untuk belajar! Jadi mau gak mau gue minta hari libur di hari kamis untuk full belajar Manajemen Pemasaran dan Strategik *FYI sidang di hari sabtu*
Di hari kamis itu gue full dari siang sampe tengah malem belajar semua matkul, gak terkecuali. Gue tulis ulang rangkuman, dan tulis lagi di MS Word. Capek, but worth it. Lama-lama mulai paham, walau masih keliru-keliru artinya. Sampe nangis pas vidcall sama pacar, dan dia jadi ikut bantuin ajarin Manajemen Keuangan which is useless because how could I understand finance in English when I didn't even know how to explain it in Indonesia??
Jadi sia-sia banget si Zac nerangin panjang lebar tentang NPV, PV, FV di vidcall sampe ngasih contoh kasus. Gue jawab cuma, "Ohh okay, that makes sense. Hm.. Ok... Ok ok.. hmmm" *dalam hati: si dodol, ngomong apaansih lau?

Hari H... *JENG JENG*
Berangkat dari rumah jam 5 pagi naik motor sama Raysa, sampe kampus kenari jam 6 kurang. PERJUANGAN.
Nunggu briefing jam 7 pagi, udah mulai deg-degan walaupun udah PD karena gue udah belajar semua materi jumat malem.
Pintu di buka dan mulai masuk ke ruangan masing-masing, buat skripsi sama kompre beda ruangan. Yang kompre di lantai 5. Sampe sana dengerin arahan panitia dan mulai dipanggil jadi beberapa orang untuk mulai diuji sama dosen.
Gue kebagian diuji jam 11 sampe jam 2 siang karena satu dosen telat dateng. Bayangin, dari pagi gue sampe terus panas gak ada AC pas briefing, nunggu dosen dapet bagian kelas di deket balkon, panas-panasan, belum makan, gak ada minum. Dewa penolong waktu itu Intan pas nawarin ada makanan, gue udah gak mikir dan langsung turun ke lantainya Intan karena udah pusing banget haha.
Selesai makan gue balik lagi ke lantai gue diuji, dan nunggu dosen terakhir buat nguji.

Nah, untuk rangkuman pertanyaan kira-kira begini:
(Penguji gue waktu itu: MK bu Sri, MP bu Peni, MS bu Renny)

MK: Mau cepet atau lama? Belajar dari buku siapa? coba bawa sini.
Gue: Cepet bu. Arthur J Keown, iya bentar bu.
MK: Yaudah, belajar apa aja dari buku itu? Ibu gak mau catetan kamu.
Gue: Rasio keuangan sama metode kelayakan investasi bu.
MK: Yaudah sebutin pengertian analisis rasio keuangan beserta rumusnya
Gue: aos%@^&!hjak$^%71^*!)@*ia&*&@*(&)!
MK: Udah selesai, sekarang kamu ke bu Peni

MP: Belajar apa aja?
Gue: STP, pengertian manajemen pemasaran, dll. Aduh saya bingung bu kalo ditanya belajar apa aja Haha
MP: haha yaudah coba jelasin segmen pasar terus dasar segmentasi itu apa?
Gue: uo%78257*^^*)*sj(%@01-^^^%%@*1-j;
MP: Jadi ini tuh blablablablablabla (Ada yang keliru jawaban gue)

Setelah istirahat, dilanjut sama bu Renny

MS: Coba sebutin strategi yang kamu tau
Gue: BCG, Swot, BMC
MS: Nah BMC coba, jelasin penerapannya beserta contoh kasusnya.
Gue: *Panjang lah pokoknya + salah salah ngomong dikit)

Keluar dengan perasaan lega dan yakin bisa jawab semua dengan baik, karena selama gue ditanya gue gak disuruh keluar buat belajar atau balik lagi ke ruangan.
Selesai semuanya, gue turun ke lantai 1 bersama orang orang yang udah selesai sidangnya untuk nunggu pengumuman kelulusan.
Makin lemes dan pusing disitu karena dehidrasi + kepaasan selama sidang + capek ngantuk lesu galau.

Jam 3 dipanggil semua yang kloter 2, dan dikasih arahan + nasehat sama panitia dan dosen supaya jangan berkecil hati kalau seandainya gak lulus sidang.
Sampe akhirnya dipanggil namanya satu-satu untuk bagi kelompok, dan gue dipanggil di kelompok 1.

"KELOMPOK 1, LULUS"

ALHAMDULILLAH! 

Keluar ruangan dengan perasaan lega dan bahagia, keluar ruangan dengan gelar SE.

 

YAY!
(Udah lah ditutupin mukanya pake apel sama setan, mukanya udah gak karuan soalnya efek kelaperan)

Thank you semuanya dan kampus, akhirnya gak harus UM lagi hahaha